Open letter to Myka and James Stauffer after rehoming Huxley
The decision by prominent YouTubers Myka and James Stauffer to rehome adopted 4 year old son Huxley did not sit well with their followers. The couple is accused of using Huxley who is Autistic.
The couple cited privacy issues when asked why the decided to cut ties with Huxley and where he is now.
YouTuber Spreck Intregintry pens an open letter to Myka and James Stauffer
Never heard of you guys before. It’s really hard not to get the impression, looking at this channel, that having a son with autism was too inconvenient for your social media career.
It is easy for me to simply judge by the entire look at me and worship me “influencer” culture that you two have the worse mental illness than he, and therefore feel I should rejoice that he escaped into more capable hands.
But what then, a child ripped from his mommy’s arms is a good thing? Was the upgrade mutual? He is in a much more loving family that can humanely sacrifice and provide the care he needs and you (Myka and James Stauffer) all have an even more perfect little family to profit from online? These are “hateful” and “ignorant” impressions to be sure, but just keep in mind I’m new here having only heard from an article about this awful situation.
Every autistic child is different and so I suppose I can’t judge. And looking for an out I’m sure was natural. My son has autism, but he’s my own flesh and blood. I am aware of how much easier life was before he was here but at no point have I seriously considered just getting rid of him from my life. Even if it is better for him. It’s hard to imagine “the pain” you went through, but my impression is that something is rotten here.
Maybe I’m the rotten one. Maybe I’m the shallow one. But my rotten and shallow impression is that the power of the pursuit of fame and perfection seems to have overpowered love. And so, if you know in your heart that you could not love that little boy as you should have and that sending him away was best, don’t besmirch people with autism so much to say that it was his medical needs that were the problem but your own poverty as parents.
I think admitting that to your “audience” and yourselves (Myka and James Stauffer) rectifies the situation. Leaning on medical experts as justification for why he needed better care does not reflect on him and his, what? Defects?…but on you two. You make try to look perfect but just so we are clear, the impression this gives is awful. You are clearly far from perfect.
You will likely be known as those people who admitted they were too focused on themselves to sacrifice what was necessary to help a helpless boy with special needs, fair or unfair. That is the impression forming already.
It is this impression that made me doubt the tears you shed. It made me despise influencer culture that much more, especially when it seems to value personal comfort and constant pursuit of appearing perfect. But these are probably my own personal problems. I mean they have to be right? I can’t know how hard it was for you two, even if I have a son with autism myself, nor have I the selfless nature to put him in a “better home” even if I had the option, and so I suppose the truth is you two are going to be martyred by your own sense of selflessness and love for this boy. And his anguish of being given away by mommy and daddy will never be heard.
There will be no Huxley sitting on a bed weeping and telling thousands of strangers his feelings in a “are they or aren’t they seeking more clout or are they trying to protect their brand and save face” video. Because he’s too young to operate a camera.
Not sophisticated enough to use social media in that way. And let’s not forget he can’t even talk. Maybe someday he will have echoes and impressions of it all, but now he will have an ocean dammed up inside and instead of “I don’t dislike the enrichment activity I just want to drink juice but I can’t communicate that” it’s “why did my mommy and daddy leave me?” “Was I the wrong color? Does my autism mean that I can’t really be loved normally and only extra special people who could love anything and anyone could possibly love me?” But you likely thought through all of this. It is awful but your selflessness makes the situation hopeful.
And everyone who gets the shallow impression that I laid out here might feel clarity on why they dislike you both for what you’ve done. It’s because they are shallow and selfish. They don’t see what is best for Huxley because they were not his parents and they didn’t hear the medical experts. They can’t walk in your shoes nor his.
But you Myka and James Stauffer were and are willing to selflessly endure the “hate” comments such as this one and carry on with what was most loving. That is what I must choose to believe. As the father of autistic son, it is already hard enough to fathom the cruelty of the world let alone compound that cruelty with the notion that a world ever dominated by social media obsession and celebrity could so easily snip out autism from itself and send it away in the name of love even when every reason seems to point to self preservation of social media celebrity was the real consideration.
I just can’t face that level of cruelty when imagining my son’s own future. And because of that I choose to believe that you aren’t social media monsters but a loving couple that truly did what was best for a little boy, your own son, at tremendous loss to yourselves. I have to believe that the world is full of people like you who can counteract the already cruel realities of nature, where young children, already voiceless and powerless, can be made even more so with autism.
I have to believe that it was because there were even better options out in the world that could somehow eclipse the overwhelming love two parents and four siblings could give an autistic boy, because the notion that people so self centered and focused on their own meagre celebrity couldn’t bring themselves to sacrifice for their own son, couldn’t find a way to save the life of their children’s brother, who effectively goes away akin to a death, even if it meant doing fewer videos or not putting on that makeup or getting that workout in and putting on a few pounds and looking fat on camera or whatever other possible evil reasons.
I can’t choose to believe that is what I just witnessed here. And so I say God bless you and thank God this has happened, because little Huxley has indeed gone to a better place. And may God help you in your mourning, for your selfless act will surely take its toll on your hearts. And may all hateful and shallow people be corrected and may perfect love conquer no matter the cost.
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